Good Times, Bad Times

"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5) 07/20/2016 at 18:40 • Filed to: None

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Right, so an hour ago I had a genius plan to buy a car, flip it, and make a lot of money. Then my wife called me and said her car won’t start, which dampened my enthusiasm temporarily.

Let me walk you through the original plan. The flip car is the above, an ‘87 Buick Grand National which I would be buying for the princely sum of $3800. It needs some body work, but the interior is immaculate and it runs great.

To buy the GN, I would sell my truck and buy a cheaper truck, spending the profit on the GN. I would then spend a little time fixing that car, sell it for a profit, sell my wife’s fucking ML350, and get her a nice larger SUV...an older Denali or Escalade.

Now the plan also includes fixing my wife’s car and selling my MacBook, but is otherwise unchanged.

God I hate the fucking ML350 though. It’s rusty, it’s small, it rides hard, and it has an intermittent starter problem that makes me worried that that’s not even the issue. So I need that thing gone...it’s the only car I’ve ever gotten mad enough at to physically kick it. I assaulted an inanimate object, that’s how mad I am at it.

Still though, a fucking Grand National for $3800, right?

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 18:49

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Sell the merc and get a grand national wagon

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 07/20/2016 at 18:52

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Whoa. That's the sexiest thing ever.

Chasaboo > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 07/20/2016 at 18:56

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Nothing but win there.

kanadanmajava1 > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 07/20/2016 at 19:01

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That looks nice.

Once I had a ‘84 Electra station wagon. It had crappy paint with fading “wood” trim. I was thinking that it would look super cool if I would paint it shiny black like a GN. My friends talked me out of that plan and the poor car looked horrible for years.

I Will Always Be The Honey Badger > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 19:13

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If assaulting inanimate objects was a crime, then I’d be on the top of the Most Wanted List. I’ve shot cars, burned cars, crushed cars, kicked cars, and drowned cars. I’ve cut them apart with axes, dragged them behind tractors, and buried the lucky ones.

shop-teacher > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 19:39

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Sounds like a plan to me.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > shop-teacher 07/20/2016 at 19:54

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I like it, but I've tweaked it slightly. Now I'm selling the truck, buying my wife a car and the Grand National, and I'm driving the fucking Mercedes until I get the GN on the road. Then I'll sell the fucking Mercedes (it's not just the Mercedes, it's the fucking Mercedes) for a truck. Boom, done, everybody is happy.

random001 > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 07/20/2016 at 19:56

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What is this gorgeous creature?!

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > random001 07/20/2016 at 20:01

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A buick/gm wagon with a grand national front clip.

pjhusa > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 20:02

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You hate your ML, I’m happy with mine. Oh well.

random001 > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 07/20/2016 at 20:04

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I must have this.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > pjhusa 07/20/2016 at 20:16

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I think it’s less the car than the fact that it’s a New England vehicle. I’m shocked at how quickly it has rusted since it started...over the last three years it went from rust free to rust everywhere.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 21:13

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GN with a 3800 for $3800? It’s destiny. Do it.

Sweet Trav > random001 07/20/2016 at 21:17

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Buick Regal Wagon like an 83 or 84 with a GN front end. They never made these from the factory.

shop-teacher > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 21:55

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That’s even better, because it’s simpler.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > shop-teacher 07/20/2016 at 22:06

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Less moving parts. Plus it has the added benefit that if I want to keep the GN, I won’t feel bad because my wife will have her new car.

shop-teacher > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/20/2016 at 22:10

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Yeah I noticed plan B didn’t have “sell GN” in it ;)

I need to get a GN before prices get too crazy. That’s a bucket list car.

random001 > Sweet Trav 07/21/2016 at 06:30

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Yeah, I was pretty sure they never made these, but that wouldn’t stop me from doing it.

Did they ever make a Regal Turbo Wagon, though? I know they had the regal Turbo (T Type) but never looked to see if they did that with the wagon ever.

pjhusa > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/21/2016 at 07:03

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Ah, probably. After being exposed to 14 years of Northeast weather, our ML has a few minuscule surface rust dots on the hood. A new hood and I'm good to go.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > pjhusa 07/21/2016 at 08:19

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That's pretty good. Mine has its worst spot on its hood, under the grill.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > shop-teacher 07/21/2016 at 08:22

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Weird how that worked out without me selling the GN, haha.

I should have pictures of it today or tomorrow...hopefully it looks decent.

Opposite Locksmith > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/21/2016 at 09:46

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Too convoluted

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > Opposite Locksmith 07/21/2016 at 09:53

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I actually cleaned it up a little. Now I'm going to sell the truck to buy my wife a new car and the Grand National, and I will drive her Mercedes for a while/until it dies. Way less moving parts, plus getting my wife a car means I won't feel bad if I decide to keep the Grand National.

shop-teacher > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 07/21/2016 at 12:18

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Yeah, funny like that :)

Looking forward to seeing it!

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > I Will Always Be The Honey Badger 07/25/2016 at 11:20

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Are you Red Green?

I Will Always Be The Honey Badger > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 07/25/2016 at 18:57

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No, but I’m his slightly more literate and less inebriated cousin.